I Want To Color The World

What do you guys think?

I want to color the world,
Share beauty with all creatures.
A box of crayons in my hand,
I want to add color to all of its features.
Blue for calming,
Where there is constant war.
Green for rebirth,
Where there is barren land galore.
Yellow for light,
Where there is nothing but darkness.
And red for warmth,
Where the cold of winter never ends.
The skies would always be pink,
An ever constant sunset.
With the sun sitting on the horizon,
It would be something we wouldn’t have to forget,
The trees would always bare the color of autumn,
Though their leaves would never fall.
The brilliance that is the season,
Would be ours, it would belong to us all.
Cities wouldn’t be gray any longer,
They would contain a million different shades,
Made from a million different colors.
If I could just color the world,
Think how happy it would be.
People would sing and dance,
Sing and dance through the streets.
And when it all ended,
The final bell sounded,
I could look back and know,
Our perfect earth, we had found it.

Evil: Not the Opposite of Good.

So, I have just recently become involved in an online christian forum. Like, the day before yesterday. And I'm enjoying it so far. The people are nice, and they really seem to be centered in Christ.
I was reading through some of the posts and I ran across this story, which gave me goose bumps.
(I know, it's really long, but well worth the read.)

"Let me explain the problem science has with Jesus Christ." The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand.
"You're a Christian, aren't you, son?"
"Yes sir," the student says.
"So you believe in God?"
"Absolutely."
"Is God good?"
"Sure! God's good."
"Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?"
"Yes."
"Are you good or evil?"
"The Bible says I'm evil."
The professor grins knowingly. "Aha! The Bible!" He considers for a moment.
"Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?"
"Yes sir, I would."
"So you're good...!"
"I wouldn't say that."
"But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed person if you could. Most of us would if we could. But God doesn't."
The student does not answer, so the professor continues. "He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good? Hmmm? Can you answer that one?"
The student remains silent.
"No, you can't, can you?" the professor says. He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax.
"Let's start again, young fella, Is God good?"
"Er...yes," the student says.
"Is Satan good?"
The student doesn't hesitate on this one. "No."
"Then where does Satan come from?"
The student: "From...God..."
"That's right. God made Satan, didn't he? Tell me, son. Is there evil in this world?"
"Yes, sir."
"Evil's everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything, correct?"
"Yes."
"So who created evil?" The professor continued, "If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil."
Without allowing the student to answer, the professor continues: "Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things, do they exist in this world?"
The student: "Yes."
"So who created them?"
The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his question. "Who created them? There is still no answer. Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is mesmerized.
"Tell me," he continues onto another student. "Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?"
The student's voice is confident: "Yes, professor, I do."
The old man stops pacing. "Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen Jesus?"
"No sir. I've never seen Him"
"Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jesus?"
"No, sir, I have not."
"Have you ever actually felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelt your Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus Christ, or God for that matter?"
"No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't."
"Yet you still believe in him?"
"Yes."
"According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?"
"Nothing," the student replies. "I only have my faith."
"Yes, faith," the professor repeats. "And that is the problem science has with God. There is no evidence, only faith."
The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a question of his own. "Professor, is there such thing as heat?"
"Yes," the professor replies. "There's heat."
"And is there such a thing as cold?"
"Yes, son, there's cold too."
"No sir, there isn't."
The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested. The room suddenly becomes very quiet. The student begins to explain.
"You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but we don't have anything called 'cold'. We can hit up to 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold; otherwise we would be able to go colder than the lowest -458 degrees. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-458 F) is the total absence of heat. You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it."
Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom, sounding like a hammer.
"What about darkness, professor. Is there such a thing as darkness?"
"Yes," the professor replies without hesitation. "What is night if it isn't darkness?"
"You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light, but if you have no light constantly you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? That's the meaning we use to define the word. In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?"
The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him. This will be a good semester. "So what point are you making, young man?"
"Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed."
The professor's face cannot hide his surprise this time. "Flawed? Can you explain how?"
"You are working on the premise of duality," the student explains. "You argue that there is life and then there's death; a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it."
"Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?"
"If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course I do."
"Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?"
The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he realizes where the argument is going. A very good semester, indeed.
"Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?"
The class is in uproar. The student remains silent until the commotion has subsided.
"To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student, let me give you an example of what I mean."
The student looks around the room. "Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the professor's brain?" The class breaks out into laughter.
"Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain, felt the professor's brain, touched or smelled the professor's brain? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, with all due respect, sir. So if science says you have no brain, how can we trust your lectures, sir?"
Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at the student, his face unreadable.
Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers. "I guess you'll have to take them on faith."
"Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact, faith exists with life," the student continues. "Now, sir, is there such a thing as evil?"
Now uncertain, the professor responds, "Of course, there is. We see it everyday. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil."
To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God.
God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light."
The professor sat down.

Blogging

Quite a few people recently have posed the question to me, why did you start blogging?
To be entirely truthful, I'm not sure. The concept of blogging has always interested me, ever since I heard of it. And one day I sat down, did a little research, and found a simple blog layout that I enjoy. Since then, it has become part of my routine, what I do.
I know that I'm not the best writer. I also know that I am a step above a lot of people. Somtimes what I write is very good. Other times, it's a load of junk. Whatever it is, it helps me, and that's all that matters. If I write to please other people, I'm not writing. If I tell only the things that make other people happy, I have no place speaking. If the stories I write aren't my stories, if they mean nothing to me, they are nothing.
I am not the most social person in the world. I would much rather sit at home with a book, then go out and be part of a lavish party. I would rather sit and watch TV with Jonah, babysit, or generally be around kids, then go to a dance full of drama. But when I'm writing, I know I'm safe. No one expects anything more of me then what they get. No one expects me to be all pretty, to say the right thing. They don't read it hoping for a happy ending. They read it to know how I'm doing, and what I'm thinking.
Now, I don't know why they care, but that's their problem, not mine.


I would not be able to function if I couldn't write.

Do's and Dont's for Being With Sarah

So, not to long ago, I made a list. The things my guy must and cannot be. I thought some of my faithful readers (because they're the only ones still here, sorry for the lack of posts guys) would like to see it.
Here it is, in no particular order.

MUST BE:
A christian (This one is in order. it's the first thing i look for. he doesn't have to be a bible thumper, but he has to have some concept of God, and accept it ,as truth),
sweet,
accepting of children with disabilities,
romantic (i am a HOPELESS romantic),
intelligent,
funny,
accepting of my off key singing (inside joke),
nice looking (he can't be ugly, but he doesn't have to be brad pitt),
someone who enjoys books (because i heart reading, like the dork i am),
able to joke around, but know when to be serious,
willing to sit through a chick flick (or a conversation about periods),
faithful to me, and all he does,
And last but no least (actually this should go second) he must need me. he can't be whole, in any manner. then there is no place for me to fit in.


HE CAN'T:
be totally and completely perverted,
argue with me all the time, about everything,
smoke/drink/do drugs,
be a lazy bum,
have any problems with kids with disabilities,
want anything more then i'm willing to give him before marriage,
be over 1 year younger then me,
be gone all the time, either with a job(which doesn't apply much yet) or with his friends or whatever. i need time too,
ever even THINK about another girl (as anything other then a friend)


Thoughts? Questions? Concerns?

Kids

So, I love kids. A lot. More then anyone could ever imagine. I love playing with them, talking to them, watching them, being surrounded them. The peace and joy kids bring to ones life is unimaginable. In the universe of a child, nothing can go wrong, nothing can ever be bad. Everything is great, wonderful, terrific. It's amazing to witness, to be a part of.

This is the reason I love working with the children at our church. For the most part, they love me, and I love them. Sometimes they are bad, and have to be punished, but they take it with grace, and love me no less. Yesterday, I had the blessing of keeping a few of these precious children in the gym at our church, while their parents worked on decorations for vacation bible school. Now, there were just 4 of them, and none of them normally played together. But I tell you, that didn't stop them! They played, and played hard. They just enjoyed having other kids around, and being out of school. With each other.

I sometimes forget, being with teenagers all the time, it's possible to meet new people. I'm not saying these kids didn't know each other, they did. But with teenagers... we just don't mingle like that. If we don't know you, we're not going to talk to you. Plain and simple. But kids... they'll walk right up and you'll soon be the best of friends.

And it's amazing the imagination even the quietest of kids have. We have a child who is, for the most part, deaf. But he holds imagination like the best of them. Jonah has the largest imagination of anyone I've ever met. But yesterday, we pulled out the small parachute that the church has, for them to play with. We all stood around for a while, playing games. Before long, though, they all wanted to sit underneath it. So we sat in a circle underneath, and I watched. I have to tell you, it was a blessing to watch those kids pretend with this parachute. It was simply amazing, the way they played and laughed.

The simplicity of a child is something I dearly wish I still possessed.

Jonah

It’s humbling, the ease at which a child with a disability enjoys the simple pleasures. The way Jonah does things at his speed, not only because to go much faster is physically straining for him, but also because he doesn’t want to miss any of the fleeting joys life brings. The way he does things when he wants to, because life’s to short to always be going, the fact that there’s not enough time to always be pleasing others. The ability Jonah has to grasp that concept utterly amazes me. He knows there are times when he has to listen, and to do as he is told. But other times, he knows Jonah-time has arrived. May that be walking down the sidewalk in 20 degree weather, and stopping to watch the wind blow the trees (with one of us waiting beside him, itching to reach the warmth of the van). Or obtaining your attention, and then taking 5 years to tell you what he needed in the first place. Or when he’s playing the play station running his car into things, simply for the sound the crash makes, and giggling hysterically every single time.
Watching a child with special needs playing a same or with a toy, without a properly trained eye, is seemingly fruitless. To them, it’s a child sitting there quietly, running a car back and forth, or giggling as he throws a ball in the air. But to someone who spends time around one, Jonah in this instance, who watches them play and grow, endless amounts of joy are around the corner when they pick up a car, or an action figure, or a stuffed animal. Children with special needs in my experience (which is pretty limited outside of Jonah) don’t need to make sounds, or play with others. The need a toy, preferably with moving parts, and the rest is imagination. No motor sounds, or animal sounds, or shooting sounds (depending on the toy, of course) are needed, only that the toy is not, in fact, incredibly boring. And other children aren’t usually high up on the list either, as Jonah has a hard time expressing himself. So he sits, and plays, and imagines.
Jonahs favorite toys are stuffed animals. But they must have floppy legs, or they are absolutely no good. Simply shaking them back and forth enough to imitate walking is enough to keep him entranced for hours. Watching him play, I’m often awed at the looks of wonder and amazement that radiate from his face when he realizes something. As he can’t tell me what new snippet of information he has obtained, I am left to ponder what thought just races across his mind as he flopped Bullseye around, or what new realization came to him as he opened the tiny car door, and stuck the toy man in. Jonah is creative in his own way, with a love to draw, and write, and imagine. I see whole other worlds, written on his face. I want to dive in, to reside in the world of simplicity that Jonah currently dwells in. Perhaps that is part of my fascination with him. Part of the reason that he’s the only thing often keeping me running.
As Americans we often miss the simplicity to life. The way the wind blows our hair, or the way the sun feels on our face, or the sand between our toes. It’s a blessing to live with a child that has special needs, because he can take us back to the simple joys. He reminds life isn’t all there is, and while other things are important, so is taking a minute here and there for us. A walk in the park, reading a book, something as nothing as sitting outside and enjoying a glass of iced tea. No, he may not portray what he wants to say in words, but we can see it in every move he makes.


I wrote this last year, and thought you all might like to read it. I thought it was rather swell. :]

Uhm.

I want to express something openly, bu I'm not exactly sure how to.
Let's start from the beginning.

I read. A lot. I'm always reading a book when there is nothing else to occupy my mind. The stories of fictional characters, the way they act, intrigues me. Holds my interest. Makes me want more. And thus, I read. And read. And read. I think you get the idea.
Every so often, I find A Book. Not just any book, but A BOOK. One that captivates me to the point that I cannot put it down. I can't think about anything but that book, until the time it is finished. And after it is finished, I am different. I want nothing to do with anyone for a while. Time to mull over what happened. Usually, there is a common theme to these books. One I can't quite explain. It's how the characters think. How they make their decisions, say their words, live their lives. It makes me think. And I become confused, and I hate it. It really makes me hate reading.
And this book was no different. Correction. These books were no different. In the past week I have read all 3 books in the twilight trilogy, and they are having The Effect on me. But this time... It's worse. I feel it worse then ever before. I don't know if it's sleep deprivation, or the fact that things aren't exactly where I want them to be right now. I don't know what brought this on. All I know is that I want it gone.

And I want another good book.